We’ve been on the road for awhile now although I have no real idea of what day it is, how many days we’ve been here or how many days we have left. I like it like that. I have chosen not to wear a watch. Aside from the morning alarm and roll call at 8 or 9, the time is really none of my business. Mustapha moves us around just fine and aside from waking up one morning and thinking, “Hey, its my birthday”, I’ve really had no need to know the date either.
Now if you know me at all, you know I live alone. I spend an extraordinary amount of time alone. By myself. With Daisy of course. But by myself. I don’t love it that way. I would love to have someone to talk to and laugh with but until that time comes, I’m more happy alone.
Being with a group of 13 people, and with someone or some number of ones for the last however many days or weeks finally caught up to me in Ait Ben Haddou. I hit a wall. And I got a bruise to prove it.
So today, as we drove from some place to some other place, I gave myself a time out. A good, long, restorative, soul hugging time out. I got in the van, put on my Bose nose cancelling headphones, and checked out for a few hours. (YES. Every penny. They are worth every single last penny and may have actually saved my life today) Sometimes when there is no where to go, you just gotta inside.
A little bit of music, a review of our escapades in the north. A chance to properly transition from one group to the next. A chance to just be. Grieve the loss of friends I made for a short time but who’s company I really whole heartedly enjoyed. Think about what has come to pass. Reflect on the change to a new group. The dynamic is different and the energy is diffferent and up until this afternoon I was really having a hard time jumping on that energy in a happy positive way. Hell I havent’t laughed in 3 days. Not cool.
I missed of lot of information that Mustapha muttered into the microphone as we travelled along the road. Something about dates. There was a huge market on the side of the road that we past. Sort of like the market we visited yesterday. They were buying and selling dates. I recommended online dating. ‘Bout all I remember.
So now I am able to embrace the south. I am able to reflect on the differences and enjoy a whole new experience. It’s really really really different from the north. I am able to embrace our new group. To enjoy what’s ahead but also what’s behind.
I can think again. Phew!